That's right I'm bored! Im not tired enough to go to bed, brain is to fuzzy to read and comprehend anything and I seriously don't want to clean anything. I've checked all of the blogs but refrained from commenting to do my current state of mind. I think I've got a boredom headache too- either that or its from having NO caffeine at all today. That's right I survived without an ounce of caffeine. No tea, no pop, nada nothing- I'm actually proud of myself for that one.
Anyways got up this morning and mom was going to put me to work packing- yeeaaah that seriously wasn't on the list of things I wanted to do today so I offered to clean. Which Mom was all for that. She packed up the contents of the kitchen cabinets and I came behind her gloved and with my bucket of water, wash clothes, wood cleaner, and degreaser all in handed. We got 2/3 of the kitchen done and the freezer in the garage cleaned out and defrosted. We have 4 more cabinets to do, the floor, and the oven- then the kitchen is done. I wonder if I can like disappear when it comes to cleaning the floor and oven-just kidding. I feel like I worked really really hard but when I look around and see what's left to be done I feel like I didn't get much accomplished.
The reality of it all is it has to be done by the 26th- and I look around and for the first time I'm slightly worried that it won't get done. Well it has to get done but in the back of my mind I wonder how. That thought is not going to be dwelt on I'm just going to keep packing and cleaning- I prefer cleaning verses packing- to the best that I can. Its hard for me to pack mom's things up- I feel like I have to ask how to do everything so that its done the way she wants it. I know she doesn't care she just wants it packed but its so much easier for me to offer to clean then it is for me to pack . I know she prefers to pack verses clean so its a good deal haha- though this kind of cleaning is gross. Oh and when the cleaning bottle says use in well ventilated area- yeaaah that's a wise thing to do- lol- it got pretty funny smelling there for a bit in the kitchen. I finally wised up and put a fan in the kitchen but then mom dumped some papyri(sp) in the garbage which was near the fan-after that it was time for a break -lol- to many smells.
We went for pizza and then picked up a movie, then picked up Joleesa. It was her last day of work today. One of her friends came out to the car sobbing and gave mom and I a hug. It prepared me for how Joleesa would be. This is probably hardest for her. She grew up here- she's 17- and we've lived here almost 11 yrs. This is home- as much as Im ready to go and I know that we're suppose to go- its so very hard- Im almost thankful for the days I don't leave the house. Everytime we go some where I feel like crying. I'm not really leaving friends behind- no one really to say good bye to but Im leaving memories- yes they go with me but the places don't. We drive by something and its like I went there with so and so or I did that with so and so. But mostly Im gonna miss this house- man if these walls could talk- they've seen the tears, the pain, the anger, the love, the laughter, the weirdness- lots of weirdness-lol- we've grown up here- all 3 of us. I don't remember a lot from our other houses but this one....This holds every memory I hold dear. My first job was here, Jessa and I graduated here- a first of a lot of things was here- actually nevermind I wont go into that-lol. My room- I wont even have my own room which I'll learn to be okay with my parents are doing the best they can do. Though I haven't shared a room in a LOOOOOONG time let alone with Jessa- that should be interesting.
good grief this post is taking me a long time to type- The crying feels good though. I haven't allowed myself to really think lately - no thinking means no getting emotional- though Im a girl I have a right to cry-lol-
I went from bored-to like extremely depressing-lol- Im sorry ya'll didn't mean for that to happen.
btw- my knee is doing much better- this afternoon it wasn't so great- but I know some were praying and I can feel the prayers my knee actually isnt bothering me at all.
Friday, August 18, 2006
BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by The Middle J at 9:09 PM
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3 comments:
I'm so happy to hear that your knee is feeling better. The feelings are many and varied when you pack up and move. If you didn't experience any of them, you wouldn't be human. It makes you thankful for the tears, they can release those emotions in a healing way, rather than a destructive way. Once the tears stop, wash your face and off you go again. You will be amazed at all that you guys will get accomplished in the next few days in spite of how overwhelming it may look. Hang in there! You are almost done!
Wow. I remember those feelings sooooooo well. When my family moved away from Colorado Springs (where I'd lived for 11 years, age 7-18) I thought I was going to die. And we were only moving 2 or 3 hours away! Pitiful, now that I look at your situation! In any case, most of the hard stuff is happening for you NOW. It's a bittersweet feeling to have those aches inside of you for the places and memories that you hold so dear. But once you actually hit the road, it gets much easier. It's so exciting to actually GET THERE and start a new chapter of your life and learn to love a new place. God makes it all work out. So hang in there! You're in the worst of it now--it only gets better from here! :-)
Thank you guys for your words of encouragement- I so needed them.
These were healing tears for sure- after I whiped them off and calmed down I felt so much better... My optimism is back and I know we can get this done- its going to be a lot of work but we can do it.
Sis. Beki you sure it gets better?? sometimes I wonder- lol
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