New Years Eve Eve

You probably are wondering why Im not waiting till tomorrow night to right something like this and that because as of tomorrow night I don't want to look back at this year. I'm almost 21 and I know life isn't going to get easier but this year has held so much pain, so much confusion, and so many changes I had no control over- that changed my life so very much.

I look in the mirror and I don't see the day dreaming teenager I once was- what stares back at me is a women who has learned the hard way to lean on God because her own way doesn't work and His is always perfect. I'm not cynical nor bitter, nor to serious for my own good... there is nothing wrong with dreaming- I have dreams- God knows my heart and what I want - but I've learned that all I can do right now is lean on God to provide the strength to take each step- one at a time. Tomorrow will come soon enough but I have to get through today to reach it.

Certain things that ment the world to me are now memories and other things have taken their place. I've learned the importance of being me and not changing because I feel other people will accept me better that way. Ive learned the importance of family- they may let you down but they are the ones that stick by you even when you've let them down.

I haven't always made the wisest decisions, I know Ive disappointed my parents on several occasions but I know those mistakes, those trails have shaped me into who I am. I know that my parents love me and are always praying for me. Their desire is that I do all I can do to follow God and allow Him to direct my life, to see the truth and walk in it. I know their desire is for me to be the women of God that I was created to be.

This year has been hard and its been the very thing that has drawn me closer to God then I have ever been... as I type this I know that I've got to draw even closer and make sure that there is nothing in my life the Devil can use.

I want more then anything to be an example- I want my little sister to be able to follow behind me- I need to make sure that my foot steps that I leave behind are ones she can follow in and will lead her in a life that is pleasing to God. I want my life to be an example to those I work with, those I hang out with, those I go to Church with.

I know I live in the world and there for just because this year is coming to an end doesn't mean the one coming up is going to be any easier- chances are its going to bring trails far harder but I know my God will give me the strength to take each step.

One step at a time down a path that I know isn't going to be easy and looking back is only going to cause me pain- so I walk straight ahead holding on for dear life to my God and letting Him lead me.... what more can I do....