Saturday, October 10, 2009

Didn't Know I Could Love So Much


I've had a lot on my mind the last couple months but for some reason this week its nearly consumed it. So much so that I even spaced out mailing Sis Becki's DVD. I'm passed even asking for forgiveness because its unforgivable. I can't even use the excuse that my dvd drive went out because thats been replaced a week ago :( I will however express my sincerest apologizes.


There is something I've been trying to figure out how to blog about but couldn't seem to find the words. The things on my heart seemed so private and personal but yet feel like if I don't express them in some way it all will bust open at some point. 

This news is no secret Mom has shared it on her blog, Joleesa has shared it on her facebook that in March Joleesa will be a mother....

Joleesa is my baby sister- I never really tried to protect her like Jessa did. LOL  Mom and Dad would have to punish Jessa in order to punish Joleesa but I did try to be the example. I did expect so much from her. My desire for her was to be the best person she could be. When she told us the news. My heart broke. Not because of what she was telling us but because I felt I had failed her in some way. May sound crazy but in my own way like Jessa I thought I could shield her in some way but I can't. I've not failed at loving her, or being there for her but I have failed at putting her in God's hands- I tried to be responsible for the burden alone but its not in my power to do so. I can't touch her heart like He can. I can't move in her life like He can. I can't carry her pain like He can. Oh how I want to I mean she's my baby sister and just being there do
esn't seem enough but He is more then enough.

So in just under six months this little one is going to enter the world ( the due date is my birthday March 13) Haha you think I love my little sister I haven't even met this little life insider her and my heart is over flowing with love.  I can't wait to see if it has Joleesa's soft blonde hair or Dallas's dark tan skin. I want to see it's little fingers and toes. I can't wait to hold the little precious life God has chosen to give this family.  I've ordered it a little sleeper that has a camera on it that says "Future Photographer" hehe - this child will be loved in abundance (the word spoiled is not allowed to be used)  

Joleesa and I went through all the baby stuff thats been bought *blushes* I have indeed loved this child in abundance and we haven't even found out the gender (11 more days)

Oh little one I pray you know God's love so real and rich in your life. I'll always love you precious one. 

I think I'm going to love being an Aunt :-) 

Maybe now that I've shared this I'll feel more like blogging... :-)


4 comments:

Jessa Stephens said...

She has gotton so much bigger with in just these last two weeks!

Cute pictures Jenna

Gracie said...

It happened, it was wrong, but Jesus forgives everyone- and WE ALL SHOULD TOO! :)

I'm not even around and I'm anxious to see pictures and hear everything that's going on! Keep the updates coming!!

Netty said...

I am so mad! Your gifts made my little gifts got her look pitiful! You did big Aunt Jenna! :0)

The Middle J said...

Aww don't be mad guarantee they won't be considered pitiful !! She'll cherish whatever she gets I know it :-D

I know how much we loved your gifts when we were little girls- they entertained us for hours :-D